Ideals, Self-Ideal, and the Idealization of Self: Part 1

When we speak of ideals, we speak of being perfect or of something being in a perfect state. In our perceptions and conceptions, ideals are flawless, faultless, without defects. The perfect nature of ideals is very attractive. We are drawn to them, we desire to find ourselves in that perfect state that these ideals embody. They become the standards for which we aspire and endeavor.

Ideals are important because they make present, they awaken in us the best we can become or the best way matters can be. We find ways of being or of living our lives better than the way we are or are living our lives at present. Having ideals keep us from living our lives in mediocrity. They stretch us to be the best we can become. We come to formulate our ideal lives and our ideal selves.

The self-ideal is our conception of ourselves in its perfect state. We experience ourselves in perfect states of health, in our desired weight, having flawless skin, perfect hair, only As for our grades, in our passing the entrance exams of schools society perceives to be the best, finding ourselves in the most coveted jobs in the market – everything the ads say we will attain if we use their products. Advertisers very well know the attractiveness of perfection. So while ideals are positive because they are inspirational, they can also be tyrannical. When we pursue ideals with grimness and determination,they become our oppressors. Often, the shift from ideals being inspirational to their becoming tyrannical is imperceptible. The pursuit of ideals then becomes a psycho-emotional need. It is with compulsion that we now chase after the ideal. We are no longer at peace when we have not attained our ideal self. We become upset with ourselves and others who stand in the way of our attaining our self-ideal.

Self-idealization is another form of the tyranny of ideals. Self idealization is when one has made oneself the embodiment of one’s ideals. Others (parents, teachers, formators, fans) play an important role in the development of self-idealization. When some begin to bestow ideal qualities onto another, the other may come to believe that he or she is indeed the personification of such ideals and may feel obliged to live up to these ideals.

Definitions of “ideal” say that ideals are not real, that they exist only in the imagination, or only in the form of an idea. A self-idealizing person then, who does not realize this is bound to burn-out from trying to maintain the self-idealization so as not to disappoint themselves and/or others. These persons may also hurt deeply from a hard fall following their disappointment with themselves.

We need a proper understanding of the function of ideals in our lives, lest we become inordinately attached to them and experience them as oppressive rather than freeing.

Eva K. Galvey is a founding associate and former director of Emmaus Center for Psycho-Spiritual Formation.

This article was first published in “Formation in a Complex World” (Vol. 3. No. 3, March – June 2013). Formation in a Complex Word was a series of brief articles featuring various perspectives on formation and psycho-spiritual integration by Emmaus Center.