The Heart of Compassion
Published by Fr. Jordan J. Orbe, S.J.
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
( Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times )
Fruitful and effective formation has for its end goal not only to produce a competent religious “professional” able to carry out mission-related tasks. Above all, human and Christian formation aims to shape the human heart, to awaken in it the capacity for compassion. This is what enables the priest, religious or committed lay person to be truly of service, to be a channel of healing and grace. And, as the quoted passage eloquently expresses, the essence of compassion can never be condescension. Compassion literally means “suffering with,” being with the person in need. Nurturing this capacity in one’s heart entails fostering three key dispositions: courage, tenderness and solidarity.
Courage.
A necessary component of compassion is the willingness to enter into the mess of life. This is courage in the best sense: not a steely resolve to remain impervious to fear or pain but an openness, a commitment to not close in on the self when confronted by the unwanted, the inconvenient, and the unseemly.
It is the growing capacity to allow space for stuff that is usually swept under the rug: distressing emotions as well as various forms of diminishment and death. Compassion requires the courage to allow all the contradictions of life to be reverently held with hands and hearts open.
Tenderness.
Compassion also entails a great deal of gentleness and kindness, first of all for the self. As one learns to allow greater space for suffering and pain, for confusion and uncertainty, one invariably gets in touch with a vulnerability within. This calls for what wise teachers term practicing “unconditional friendliness” towards the self. Its opposite is harshness, experienced as resistance and rejection of self and reality. This tenderness with self, in turn, is what radiates to others, enabling them to find space as well for what lies unfinished or unrefined within them.Solidarity.
Awakening to our own vulnerability and shadows, not rushing to escape or deny, can lead us to also be more fully present to others. We then realize just how much we share in common with the person who picks up our trash, the laundrywoman trying to make ends meet, the man who is struggling with his demons, the patient surviving cancer. Recognizing how essentially alike we are enables us to care, to accompany, to reach out, to forgive. It allows us to break down barriers of anonymity, mistrust, prejudice, and hatred.One strand of Buddhist tradition relates compassion with bodhichitta, a Sanskrit word that means “noble or awakened heart,” the wounded and tender heart that does not seek to shield itself from the basic fragility of life. Instead, this heart is open to take in the pain of the world and turn it into compassion.1 The Christian archetype for this, of course, is the Sacred Heart of Christ. We are drawn ever deeper into the mystery of how God for us takes on a beating, pulsing, pierced human heart, poured out for all of creation. He is the God who indeed suffers with us. Ultimately, this is what human and Christian formation guided by the Holy Spirit seeks to fashion in us: hearts of compassion, hearts that more and more resemble Christ’s own heart.
1 Pema Chödrön, Comfortable with Uncertainty. Shambhala Publications, 2002. p 4.
Fr. Jordan J. Orbe, SJ is the current Executive Director of Emmaus Center.
This article was first published in “Formation in a Complex World” (Vol. 3. No. 3, March – June 2013). Formation in a Complex Word was a series of brief articles featuring various perspectives on formation and psycho-spiritual integration by Emmaus Center.
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