Vows, Vocation and the “Me” Generation

“We seem to live in a world where self-fulfillment has become the primary drive in life. Nothing is so certain anymore; the only reliable thing is what is “for now” and “for me.” In such a world, what is the place of commitment? Of vows? Of being called to a life of ministry and mission?

As described by contemporary philosopher Charles Taylor, there’s a growing concern about lives being “narrowed and flattened” by individualism and self-absorption. There are misgivings about this “centering on the self”, about the “the fruits of a permissive society, the doings of the ‘me generation’ and the prevalence of ‘narcissism’”. Perhaps in such a world, moral ideals are indeed passé. However, Taylor proposes that while we should not discount “the dark side of individualism” we ought not to dismiss the unarticulated moral principle at its core: the belief that everyone is called upon to be true to oneself… and what this consists of, each must, in the last instance, determine for him- or herself.

This principle of self-determination and authenticity is rooted in instinct.

Social psychologist Sheena Iyengar2 points out that human beings are born not only with the tools to exercise choice, but also the desire to do so. The capacity to choose and control one’s environment is part of being human. It is strongly related to well-being. Having grown up within a rich and conservative religious faith (Sikhism), Iyengar wanted to find out whether the various religious traditions make followers feel more helpless by constricting the range of choices in their life. The result of her research was “an eye-opener.” The ones who were most susceptible to pessimism and depression were the atheists and members of liberal religions. Apparently, the freedom to think and do as one pleases does not necessarily increase one’s sense of control. She came to conclude that while we all want and need to be in control of our lives, how we understand control depends on the stories we are told and the beliefs we hold as true.

As Christians, we need not be afraid of this contemporary stress on “self-fulfillment".

What we should do instead, following what Taylor proposes, is to engage in the work of retrieving its deepest meaning. Far from isolating us, this ideal of being true to ourselves and listening to the “voice within,” actually connects us to a greater, wider whole. The Christian tradition is infinitely rich in symbol and narrative that give meaning to this paradox. In the Christian perspective, self-fulfillment is ultimately self-transcendence. To lose the self for the sake of Christ is to find it. No greater love is there than to lay one’s life down for others.
Fidelity to a commitment does not negate freedom. Seeking out and living one’s calling is not to forfeit the power to choose. Surrender and trust are the key to true freedom and a deeper, fuller life. Willingly relinquishing control for the sake of love and service is not to abdicate being human but to fulfill it. After all, “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and die, it shall not bear fruit”. This is what men and women who profess (marital or religious) vows are called to witness to and proclaim. The world today badly needs to hear it.

Charles Taylor, The Ethics of Authenticity. Harvard University Press: Cambridge, 1991.
Sheena Iyangar, The Art of Choosing. Hachette Book Group: New York, 2010.

Fr. Jordan is the current Executive Director at Emmaus Center.

This article was first published in “Formation in a Complex World” (Vol 1. No. 2, Sep - Oct 2010). Formation in a Complex Word was a series of brief articles featuring various perspectives on formation and psycho-spiritual integration by Emmaus Center.